FongsAmigos

How to Work from Home

I’ve been fortunate to work from home for almost 20 years. I don’t work in a field people commonly think of when they hear “work from home” (some have guessed "freelancer" or "eBay reseller"). I’ve worked from home mostly in the investment banking industry, with a brief stint working from my home when I was a hungry young attorney. In all those years, I’ve figured out a few things that help my productivity. So if you’re now sheltering in place and just discovering what it’s like to work from home, here is a sampling of things I’ve learned along the way.

1. Get dressed in the morning. Confession: As a hungry young attorney working out of my apartment for the first time, I usually rolled out of bed and went straight to my desk—in my underwear. That’s the common joke I hear when I reveal that I work from home. “Oh, so you get to work in your pajamas/fuzzy slippers/without pants!” While I've proved that to be true, I found that getting up, showering, and getting dressed made me more productive since it felt more like I was “going to work” instead of just sitting at a desk in my living room. Plus, conference calls with your boss/colleagues while you’re in your underwear…? Dude, no.
2. Wear a collared shirt. Before the days of business casual and dot-com hoodies, I wore suits to work. Nowadays,I wear a slightly dressed down version of my old business casual work wear because I still want to "dress for work". Try to avoid working from home in sweats and a t-shirt—unless that’s what you usually wear at your out-of-home workplace. In which case, at least make sure they’re clean and not covered in Cheet-oh dust and salsa stains.
3. Maintain structure: Work your usual hours. If you work 9 to 5 in an office. Work 9 to 5 at home.
4. Maintain structure: Deploy your usual work day routine while at home. Do you go out for a mid-afternoon coffee when you’re in the office? Do the same thing at home—only just go to the kitchen for your coffee. Do you work out during your lunch break? Do the same at home, even if it’s just going for a socially distant walk in your neighborhood. We’re creatures of habit. Don’t fight it.
5. Try to get out to talk to people (if you can). Working from home can be isolating (and that's why you're doing it now)—especially since your other now-remote colleagues will likely resort to email/instant messaging since no one is just down the hall to chat any more. When I first started working from home, the only adult I spoke with during the day—other than my wife—was the guy who made my coffee at the local shop. Lots of people are sheltering in place now, but are still being advised to get outside. So go for a walk and practice your social distancing while chatting up a neighbor.
6. Establish a defined space in your home for your “office”. I’m lucky to have a room in my house now that is my office. That hungry young attorney even had a desk (albeit made of a plywood sheet on top of two file cabinets) in his apartment living room. If you don’t have a room where you can work, carve out some less-used space that you can use as your in-home workspace. Even if it’s a spot at a dining room or kitchen table, you’re sheltering in place, so it’ll be temporary.
7. Doing some light housework during your workday? Please take time to disinfect high-touch surfaces (computer keyboards, doorknobs, light switches, fridge handles, cabinet/drawer hardware, etc.). But should you put in a load of laundry after that conference call? You take breaks when you’re working in the office, so make the most of your breaks while working at home. Small distractions can be beneficial. Just be careful not to take on a more demanding house task while you’re working. Organizing all the pasta and ramen you just bought should wait until you're off work.
8. “I couldn’t work from home because of all the distractions.” I hear this a lot from people who try to imagine my work-from-home life. Small distractions can ease the monotony and isolation of working from home, but if you indulge yourself in turning on the TV, playing with your pets, or <ahem> reading a blog post, set a timer for yourself. I’m sure you’re perusing the internet and/or your phone when you’re in the office. And that’s probably more of a time suck than if you allow yourself a timed 10 minutes to throw a ball to your dog.
   1. You can work from home with your kids home from school (but see photo above of Robert E. Kelly’s BBC interview being interrupted by his kids popping into his office…). Give your kids a schedule (remember: they need structure), provide gentle cues for when you can't be disturbed, and try to enjoy this extra time you get to have with them. They're trying to figure out this new reality of theirs, too. 

I wish you well as you transition to working from home. Rest assured, it’s not for everyone. So if you find yourself hating it, well, at least now you know it’s not for you, and sometimes it’s important to know what we hate doing. But as with everything else going on in these weird days, try to make the best of it. It’s likely not permanent and will hopefully be over soon. Maintain structure. Find a routine and stick with it. And above all, don’t panic (hand washing has become mildly meditative for me). I’m happy to answer any questions you might have and would love to hear any other work-from-home ideas you have in the comments below.

A Triumphant Return

It was an emotional day returning to the orphanage where my daughter spent her first 11 months. Upon arrival, we were greeted by the staff and director. This is the same director who handed us our beautiful daughter so many years ago. I think she was just as excited to see us as we were to see her.

The staff had hung a large banner that said "Welcome Home Children. We Love You!!!" That pretty much said it all: our daughters had returned to their original home. But what never really occurred to me was that the staff considered our children as their own. Some of the girls even got to see the same nanny who took care of them almost 10 years ago. And those ladies shed tears of happiness at seeing their babies grown. Yes. They remembered them.

We spent the entire morning visiting. We got to see our daughters' files that contained most of the information we received as part of the vast amount of paperwork that was part of the adoption process. One additional form was in there, though, that described details of our daughters' findings. For us, we learned a few more things that we had never known. Complain as I might about coming back to China (and the oppressive heat we've been enduring), but getting those few additional bits of information about our daughter's first days made this whole trip worthwhile. We left Yangchun feeling that our visit went better than we could have expected.

Now we are returned to Tourist Mode. Yesterday we visited the Panda Breeding Center in Chengdu. I thought Harper was going to fly off the ground when she saw the pandas. But then she got to hold one--and I don't think I've ever seen her happier. Me, I got to sample some of the local cuisine that Sichuan province is famous for: Hot Pot. And that is where my eating adventure here really started. However, it was slightly disappointing because it wasn't as spicy as I was expecting--we made a mistake in our order and got the mild soup broth--but I made up for that by ordering and eating pig's brain. It was a tough choice given that the other offerings included duck tongue, porcine aorta, and goose intestine. Why not get all of it? No one wanted me to wreck the broth with the weird stuff and so I had to place my order after we were done eating--and I was kind'a full... Plus, pig's brain sounded like a lot of food. The brains were okay, but I don't get why it's the food of choice for zombies. Oh, and I got my ears cleaned by an ear-cleaning guy on the street, which means I can now hear what you're thinking. Just another Friday night in Chengdu!

Eve of a Return

My internet connection is spotty here in China, so I apologize for not including some of the photos we've taken. I can't even upload a stickman drawing. I also don't have access to Facebook here (China is rad), so this may be the one post that finds its way there (or not). If you're interested in following along, please click through to the blog and "Follow" me there. Then feel free to unfollow me after we get back. I won't take umbrage. 

After a whistlestop tour doing one-nighters in Hong Kong and Guangzhou, we are now in Yangchun where Harper lived for the first 11 months of her life. We took a quick shopping trip in the city of ~500,000 people yesterday to buy formula and diapers for the orphanage. Our group of eight families became an instant local fascination and enormous distraction as we rambled through the aisles of a large mall/grocery store loading up on supplies for the orphanage. I was sure as we were leaving with our numerous crates that a local TV crew would show up and we'd end up on the evening news: "American Gang clears shelves at city's largest store".

Our group of 30 people had dinner at a small <gasp> Chinese restaurant where we took over the entire dining room. Plate after plate of delicious and unusual local fare arrived and I was instantly reminded of our guide's fondness for Chinese rice wine. Oh yeah, we hired the same guide we had when we all were here in 2004 adopting our daughters. I took one for the team as our guide kept pouring tiny shot after tiny shot of what tastes like a mixture of grain alcohol, acetone and jet fuel. Evidence that we've all done a formidable job of Americanizing our girls came in their complaint that they were hoping we would be served "real Chinese food". Time to stop taking the kids to Panda Express. Except for Jameson. He ate like it was his job.

After dinner, we all went to the hotel pool and played until almost 9pm. Remember that we're in China and it's summer. We've had 90+ degree days with humidity in the upper 80% range. In Canada they have a "humidex" measurement of this wretched weather combination. I think they call this kind of weather "Tuesday" in Hell.

Today we will visit the orphanage. I think we're in for a long morning visiting with the orphanage director, nannies, and children. I'm hoping to be wrong. I'm reminded of the same emotional unknown we experienced when we were here picking up our girls almost nine years ago. There's excitement at being here and returning after all these years. But there's also an unspoken and veiled anxiety. My daughter was unusually quiet at dinner and in the pool last night. Fortunately, she's here with her Sisters and all the parents here are the pillars of support they have been as we've developed our tight bond over the years. We are lucky to have each other on this journey.

Back We Go!

To the Loyal Followers of this blog (all of whom would easily fit around my dining room table): Your patience--and frustration at the dearth of updates--is about to be rewarded. After a prolonged dormancy, I plan to fire up the blog again as we return to China this summer.

No! We are not coming back with a new member of our family! This time, we return to visit the orphanage where our daughter spent the first 11 months of her life. And we are going back with seven of her sisters from that orphanage (with their families). We have an action-packed itinerary and will be visiting five cities this time. So stay tuned, renew your RSS feed (you're still using RSS feeds?), and start hitting Refresh for updates from our travels. I plan to eat all sorts of weird stuff, expect no one to understand my terrible Mandarin and even worse Cantonese, and will share some of the more intimate insights from this homeland tour.

Until then, you can amuse yourself playing "Where's the white girl?" in the photo here.

Whither Thou Debate?

I didn't watch the Presidential Debates, which also means I didn't watch the Vice-Presidential Debate either. I did, however, watch my Facebook wall light up with live coverage from my friends (some very funny posts) and then their opinions on who they thought won (some very passionate posts). And while I respect all of your opinions, in the end does it really matter who "won" the debate? It's not like winning a debate means winning an election. That's like saying the football team that wins the coin toss will win the game.

I'm left wondering if there are any people out there who come away from watching the debates and change their opinion of who they're going to vote for. To take it a step further, I can't imagine there are legions of Undecided voters who think, "I'm going to watch the candidates debate and then make my choice." And I'm certain there are no decided voters who think, "I'm going to watch my candidate debate the other guy--and if the other guy sounds smarter, I'm gonna change my vote and go with him. Regardless of the bumper sticker on my car."

So why even bother with the debates anymore?

I'm guessing that back in the days before the Internet, television, and multi-puhzillion dollar campaign budgets, voters may have actually used the debates as part of their decision process. Or not. I've seen several references to the Lincoln-Douglas debates and even then the newspapers edited (or in some cases didn't edit) transcripts of the debate to make one candidate look smarter than the other.

So divided have we become as a Nation that it seems to me that people are watching the debates just to see if one of the candidates ends up saying something stupid or mangles the truth--which brings us back to "saying something stupid."

In this age of the citizenry complaining about partisan politics, don't these debates perpetuate the division we are so fond of loathing? I have many friends who are dyed-in-the-wool Democrats and Republicans and they openly mock their opposing Presidential candidate and have dug their heels in to support their candidate. And that is a right our great country affords them. But isn't that sort of zeal giving our elected officials the basis to continue making our political process an "Us vs. Them" standoff?

The debates seem like yet another tiresome opportunity for posturing--which I fear is at the heart of all politics. It's a chance for candidates to stand up and declare their beliefs and brow-beat their opponent and his/her beliefs. This is "leadership"? I know I'm not going to change someone's mind about something in 90 minutes--unless maybe I get to brow-beat them with a lead pipe instead of with my views. But it takes real guts to stand up and declare your beliefs and not waiver on them even in the face of some pretty plausible evidence that suggests you might be a dumbass. Which again brings us back to candidates "saying something stupid."

Putting the "F" in "Folding"

The fitted sheet perplexes me.

What did we do before it came along and squeezed itself around our mattresses? Not even Wikipedia knows with any sense of authority.

But what gets me the most about the fitted sheet is how to fold the damn thing. I will never get how to fold one--regardless of how many times I watch Martha Stewart demonstrate how to do it correctly. Is that a good thing? I doubt it.

My wife is a master at folding the fitted sheet--and her arms aren't even long enough to span its length. Why, I'll bet even my two young kids can fold one better than I can--and I offer this hypothesis without any evidence they've provided that they even know how to fold a napkin.

When I was single, I had only one set of sheets so as to avoid having to fold and store a fitted sheet. This worked great since I could simply wash my sheets and promptly fit them back on the bed without having to deal with folding the oversized shower cap that is the fitted sheet. Bonus points for pulling it out if the dryer right before bedtime. Warm sheets!

This is not to say that I have given up trying to fold the fitted sheet. I still try. But the result is usually only marginally better looking than when I pulled it out all twisted from the dryer. In fact, I still probably wouldn't figure it out if a university extension program offered a course on how to do it. So it's probably wise that I not take that course since I wouldn't want to mar my academic record by getting a most certain F in Folding.

Are you a master fitted sheet folder? If so, feel free to mock me in the comments.

A Return to Fitness

I went to the gym today--for the first time since May 2010... At that time, we were in the throes of waiting to hear from China about when we would travel to pick up Jameson. I don't remember why I simply stopped going to work out. Busy. Nervous. Busy. And then we traveled in June/July and my life went upside-down a bit upon re-entering earth's atmosphere with one more child than we left with.

I'll just say that not working out for that long was an enormous mistake. I'm back at square one, fitness-wise. And timing-wise, I'm re-appearing at the same time as most of the New Year's Resolution people in the gym, so I can slip right in with the guy who was doing military presses with a 20-pound barbell.

And now I'm fresh from my workout and feel great! I'm sure tomorrow I'll be sore, but even that will probably feel good, too. The key for me now is to remember to take it slow as I restart my conditioning routine. I felt pretty good running on the treadmill once I got warmed up (which took twice as long as it used to) and fought the urge to dive right into the wind sprint program I was doing when I quit working out. I'm sure the large, excessively sweating, heavy breathing guy on my treadmill appreciated that. Just as much as the not-very-limber guy who was trying to get into his old stretching positions appreciated the excessive sweating and heavy breathing I was doing while attempting The Pigeon.

One thing I did notice in my return, though, was that I recognized some familiar faces at the gym and nobody seems to have changed. Now, I work out around 9 a.m. when most people are at work, so the people in the gym at that hour are either self-employed, retired, or moms who work for their children. And in the year and a half I've been gone, most of the people haven't changed one bit! The men don't seem a lot stronger, which means they're "conditioning." But they also don't seem to have aged at all--and they were mostly pretty old to start with. This tells me that staying in shape helps keep you young. And "young" is what I need right now since the small humans in my house are both below the age of 10.

And so I return to getting in shape so I can keep up with my kids. Bonus if it keeps me looking younger than my age. Bigger bonus if it makes my wife do that throaty cat call thing when she sees me with my shirt off.

One-Word Resolutions

I rarely make New Year's Resolutions. After the hustle of the holiday season, it seems a futile act of contrition to attempt some personal promises that so easily fall to the wayside after a fleeting passage of time and lax self-enforcement, e.g., eat better, exercise more. But I read Mari Smith's blog about creating a one-word theme for 2012 and decided to give it a shot myself. And so my resolution for 2012 is: REINVENT.

Why "Reinvent"? Well, I've accepted that I'm experiencing my mid-life-crisis right now. And since I've already owned a truck and a sports car, and the thought of attempting a relationship with a girl in her 20s seems utterly nonsensical and makes my beautiful and loving wife laugh almost as hard as it makes me laugh, those typical mid-life crisis refuges aren't an option. The main drive to Reinvent is my career. I've been doing what I do for a living for more than 12 years now and it's no longer fun. So now it's time to find something fun. And interesting. And challenging. I'm convinced that finding something fun, interesting, and challenging will naturally lead to that something being lucrative, too. At least, I read that somewhere in someone's Facebook post.

What's bubbled up as a point of interest is that in looking at my work, and even academic, history, I've already gone through several reinventions. I left high school a straight-A band geek who didn't go outside much, then entered college with a pre-Med courseload. But when that didn't work out, I reinvented and bounced through a couple other majors before getting my degree in Music Composition. Then the Serial Reinventor emerged and I found myself getting a law degree, practicing law (and hating it), going into publishing in New York City, and evenutally ending up where I am on Wall Street.

I've joked that when I left law for publishing, I got to New York with no job and no apartment--like Madonna. And who has completely reinvented themselves more often than Madonna? I think that answer is about to be "Me," only without the bustier.

So I have my one-word theme/resolution for 2012. And if you would indulge me to let me cheat it a bit by also including a two-word motivation for this year's theme: My Family.

Watch this space this year. Because when I pull it off, it's going to be big. I already have several ideas of where I want to go, but I've discovered my friends sometimes know me better than I do, so if you have a suggestion for what you think my next step should be, post it in the Comments!

Cheers to you. I wish you every happiness in the new year!

Crouching Traditions, Hidden Presents

As my daughter (now 8) gets older and more excited about Christmas, she also has gotten a little more resourceful in trying to find where all the Christmas presents are. My son (4), on the other hand, seems to be only a witness to his older sister's excitement and curiosity about how Christmas presents seem to multiply under the tree each morning after they wake up. It probably helps that he can recognize only his written name and most of the presents don't have gift tags on them.

No gift tags? That's right. It's something my parents started doing when I was young. It made for some vexing times to see a nice collection of wrapped gifts under the tree--and yet have no idea who they were for until it was time to open them and one was actually handed to you.

And so I've continued that tradition for my kids. And it's driving my daughter to a recognizable state of anxious excitement. The strange holiday habits we inherit and pass on... My future grandkids don't stand a chance.

But the presents that have appeared so far have already been catalogued and sorted by my daughter. She knows the total number and has a reasonable guess at how many belong to each family member. What she doesn't know is that we're still hiding a bunch of other presents that will appear on Christmas morning.

And that's where the latest parental challenge has presented itself. Where do we hide the presents?

Last year, we hid them all in the 1970 Jaguar E-Type I have sitting under a cover in the garage. This year, the car is still there (and still non-operational), but has become covered with so much other stuff that lifting the cover to get presents into it runs directly in the face of my cultivated laziness. So, now what?

Luckily, it seems I've also inherited my father's penchant for saving empty cardboard boxes (and, unrelated, always carrying napkins). Thus, this year's bounty is being hidden in several large boxes--that are all resting in the garage on top of that beautiful, non-operating British sports car. Unfortunately, I know I've collected other presents this year and hid those in other locations around the house... So now I need to rummage through closets and other hiding places I used before that car took up residence in my garage.

Where did your parents hide their presents? And if you have young children, where do you hide their presents? I promise I won't tell...

Yin Yang--and a Prediction

As our children grow up together and become their own--albeit very small--people, I'm starting to recognize that even though our lives often may seem like a bomb going off in a custard pie factory full of long-haired persian cats, bringing Jameson into our family has created balance in our home.

First, the obvious (and in case you lost your program): he's a boy and Harper's a girl. Yin is often characterized as slow, soft, yielding, and passive; and associated with femininity. Yang is often characterized as hard, solid, focused, and aggressive; and associated with masculinity. However, with our kids, I would say Jameson is more Yin and Harper more Yang.

Harper is our go-getter daredevil. She rode a two-wheeled bike early and learned it with me holding onto the seat for exactly 0.4 seconds. She bugs me to take her to the skateboard park (she turns 8 later this month). She'll climb anything and then jump off of it. It's any wonder how she hasn't yet broken a bone.

Jameson, on the other hand, is the tentative, methodically cautious one. He willingly shares with other children, often giving up a toy he just started playing with. He takes his time warming up to the moving toys (e.g., bikes, scooters, skateboards) his sister flies off on. He seems to know better than to follow her around when she gets adventurous on play structures.

They're both sweet kids and blessed with their own gifts. Harper's gifts are in her physical abilities. She was recently spotted by her gymnastics instructors as having a "natural kinesthetic talent." So she's actually starting to train with a gymnastics team. Jameson's gifts seem to be more cerebral and possibly musical. I know all parents say this about their kids, but even in my most objective observations, he's super bright. He also sings along with the music in my car and has started playing with the piano (not playing it, just playing with it).

Granted, Jameson just turned 4 and has been with us for only 15 months, so I don't really expect him to go flinging himself all over the place like a flying squirrel. But I remember being terrified spotting for Harper when she was younger than 3 as she would climb on play structures that were way too old for her. And I still get that uneasy feeling in my stomach when I see her scamper around on climbing structures--which leads me to finally memorialize this prediction I've had for several years.

I predict that one day Pam and I will be in Yosemite lying on our backs in El Cap Meadow straining to see the fast-moving little dot that will be Harper ascending the 5.14a/b pitch "Changing Corners." Only now, we'll both be fretting (and I'll have that uneasy feeling in my stomach again) while we keep asking Jameson, who will be next to us calmly sitting (probably in the lotus position) scanning the rock with binoculars, "Do you see her??? Do you see her??? Where the f*&k is she???"

Balance. It's all about balance.